All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
