i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize