I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
