i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
