grandma shit on top of the toilet
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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