dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
