i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
