i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
