..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
