he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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