absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
