I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
