woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
