You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
