i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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