I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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