thus making me awesome and them whores
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize