I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
