i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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