I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
