K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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