You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
