I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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