We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
