i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
