I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
