I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
