she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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