Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize