i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
