I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
