Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I supernannyed him into submission
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
