And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think my tv is drunk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
