I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
