i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
