But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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