shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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