dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Boobs speak an international language.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
