lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
