I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
