Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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