dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
