Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
