THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
