people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
