Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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