I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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