I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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