Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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