I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize