birth control should be required to get into college
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
