Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
