Your tits are I can't wait for
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
