Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
