if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
