Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
