watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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