he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
