yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
