she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the raccoons are back...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize