is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Barsexuality is the new black.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
