There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
