i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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