Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
