If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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