Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
