I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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