Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
