Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
