Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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