i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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