1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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