I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
